Misunderstood
by steph45
Summary: Aboard the Dawn Treader, Lucy comes face to face with the problems she's been avoiding for years. The pure, innocent, beautiful child becomes confused, hurt, hurtful, and … misunderstood. To Fall Or Not To Fall series.
1. Arrival

**To Fall Or Not To Fall Book Two**

**Disclaimer: **

This story is inspired by the world and characters of C.S. Lewis. I do not own Narnia, though I wish I did.

**Preface:**

_To Fall Or Not To Fall _is going to be a four-book series. _Misunderstood_ is Book Two, but it is _not necessary _to have read the first book to understand this one.

Each story will focus on a different Pevensie and his or her biggest insecurity or temptation. Two of them will be connected, but other than that, it is not necessary to read the stories in order (if you choose to even read more than one). Only one of them will follow everything that happens in the _Narnia_ books.

This is my third story about _The Chronicles of Narnia. _If you enjoy what I write, you can read my previous stories, _I Wanted To Kill Them (To Fall Or Not To Fall Book One)_, which is about Edmund, or _Life in Narnian Court: Secrets, Love, and War_.

This story was inspired by _The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_ movie. It was the first time that we really saw a negative side of Lucy, saw her as a girl living in the shadow of her sister who was willing to give herself up to become her sister, her idea of perfection. I wanted to explore this side of Lucy more and push it to a new, more profound level. This is following the storyline of the book more than the movie, though I took liberties to help myself make an interesting story.

**Chapter One: Arrival**

The day had started like any other day. Lucy Pevensie had run some errands in the morning, cooked lunch, and cleaned the house in the afternoon. She and her brother Edmund were staying with their Aunt Alberta, Uncle Harold, and cousin Eustace. Aunt Alberta worked her hard during the day, but now, in early evening, she was relishing her chance to spend some time with Edmund.

When she got to her room, the siblings read a letter from Susan together. Their sister was in America with Peter. Lucy was always sad when she thought of Susan, who was going to parties every week and meeting a million guys, all of whom would fall in love with her. She would give so much to be in her sister's place.

As she was lost in her thoughts, Edmund pointed out a ship painting on her wall. Lucy was often looked at it, thinking of her time in Narnia.

Then Eustace came in. He made fun of Narnia, as he usually did when he heard their conversations. Edmund got mad, and Lucy was getting ready to break up a fight when she saw something odd.

"Edmund, the painting!"

Yes, the painting was coming to life, and water spilled out of it, engulfing the room. Before Lucy knew it, she was underwater. Fortunately, she had learned a bit of swimming while in Narnia, enough to be able to get to the surface. She was stunned by her surroundings.

She was in the open sea, and a huge ship was coming towards her. She opened her mouth to scream, but water rushed in and she went under the surface. Kicking frantically, she broke the surface again, and this time, she saw someone swimming towards her. He grabbed her by the waist and kept her above the water.

"Lucy?" he asked.

She recognized that voice... and suddenly she recognized the young man's face. It was Caspian! He was older, but it was definitely him.

"Caspian!" she exclaimed happily.

Caspian brought her on board the ship, keeping his arms around her the entire time. Lucy had never had such prolonged contact with a man (Edmund and Peter didn't count), and it made her heart beat faster.

Caspian put a blanket around her. "It's so good to see you!" he said.

"You too," replied Lucy. She observed him for the first time. He was not only older, but also better looking. His face had lengthened, he was taller, and he had an air of assurance which he had never had before.

Caspian greeted Edmund and Eustace as well, then said, "Take off your wet things, I'll get you some new clothes. Lucy, you'll have to wear men's clothing, unfortunately."

Edmund immediately took off his shirt and a crew member took it from him. Caspian did the same. Lucy was breathtaken. His chest was muscular, defined, tanned...

Then, Caspian realized she was still standing there, shivering. "Come with me, Lucy. Drinian, give clothes to Edmund and his cousin."

Lucy followed Caspian into his rooms. "You'll sleep here, and I'll get a room below deck," he said.

"Caspain, I can't take your rooms!" she protested.

"I insist. A lady can't be left in a small room below deck next to the crew. Especially not a lady like you."

"A lady like me?" she asked.

"Graceful. Kind. Beautiful," explained Caspian.

Beautiful. No one had ever called her that. She blushed.

He saw her discomfort. "It's true. You have blossomed since I last saw you."

Lucy replied with a statement she had heard Susan say to boys. "Oh, Caspian, stop, you're too kind."

He smiled. "He's even more good looking when he smiles," thought Lucy.

"Now, let's get you some clothes."

A few hours later, Lucy sat down for dinner between Caspian and Eustace. Caspian dined on deck when it was nice out with a small party. He was at one end of the table and had put Edmund at the other. Lucy was on Caspian's right and Captain Drinian was on his left. On Edmund's right was Reepicheep, with whom Lucy had had a happy reunion. Eustace was on Edmund's left.

Caspian had been very attentive to her all afternoon. He opened doors for her and offered her his arm when they visited the ship, the _Dawn Treader_. He pulled out her chair for her to sit down at dinner and he asked her at least half a dozen times if he could anything for her. Lucy had been embarrassed and awkward because of this. She had to constantly remind herself "this is Narnia. All gentlemen act like this in Narnia," but she was pleased nonetheless. With Caspian, it felt different... yet was incapable of explaining what was different.

After dinner, Caspian and Edmund played chess and Lucy stood to the side, watching. Caspian noticed this and motioned for her to come closer, saying, "Come, Lucy, you'll bring me luck."

She came over and he made space for her to sit on the bench next to him.

"Two against one is hardly fair," protested Edmund.

"But you started playing chess a thousand years before I was born," replied Caspian.

"True," answered Edmund, amused. "Plus, Lucy is more harm than help in chess."

"I highly doubt that," said Caspian, with faked outrage. "Your Majesty, I wager two barrels of wine that we will win."

"Challenge accepted."

They restarted the game, and Caspian looked at Lucy before every move, asking her opinion silently. Sometimes, he would whisper a strategy into her ear and she would shiver with delight as she felt his breath on her neck. "He's just an old friend. I haven't seen him in a long time, so now I'm happy to be with him," she told herself, but now she wasn't so sure.

Unfortunately for her brother, Lucy and Caspian won narrowly. When it happened, Caspian was ecstatic. He jumped up and hugged Lucy. As she hugged him back, she noticed how slender he was.

"I'm getting tired," she said.

"Of course! This has been a long day for you. Allow me to walk you to your room. Edmund, I'll meet you downstairs."

He offered her his arm and led her back to his old cabin. "If you need anything, you know you can come get me," he reminded her kindly.

"I know. I'll be fine. Thank you, Caspian," she answered. Then, she added, "It's great to be here with you."

He grinned. "I feel the same way. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She closed the door, still smiling absentmindedly and picturing his face in her mind.

Lucy tossed and turned in her bed, or rather, Caspian's bed, but she couldn't get to sleep. Eventually, she decided to go on deck and walk around.

As she approached the bow, Lucy saw a dark figure in front of her. She recognized the silhouette: Caspian. He was leaning against the railing, thinking. "Should I leave him alone?" she wondered. One part of her knew she should give him privacy, buy another part couldn't resist, so she came up alongside him.

"You're not sleeping?" she asked.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I couldn't settle down. It's been an exciting day for me."

"For me as well. I never expected to see you guys again. Well, some of you."

Lucy's happiness died down. "Do you wish Susan was here?"

"That's a difficult question to answer."

"I have time."

"For the past three years, when I have met a woman, I always compared her to your sister. I never found anyone who moved me as much as she did. So I was disappointed when she was not with you."

Lucy sighed. She had feared this. Caspian was only paying attention to her because Susan the Perfect wasn't around, and Lucy must have enough similarity with her to be an acceptable second choice.

"But after talking to you and Edmund, I am so happy that you two are here and I'm not longing for Susan anymore."

"Why not?"

"I couldn't say exactly. I just feel content with how things are."

"Being happy is not the same as not wishing you could still be with your former girlfriend," added Lucy.

"I guess her sister is showing me that Susan is not the only beautiful, smart, and kind woman in the world. So now I have hope that someone else will come to love me, and I her, more than how much I loved Susan."

Lucy was thrilled, and she once again did something rash. She took Caspian's hand. "I know you'll find someone. Any girl would be lucky to have your love."

"Thank you, Lucy." After a few minutes of silence he said, "If you don't mind my asking, have you found the man you love?"

"I have not," answered his companion. "I haven't even had a boyfriend."

"Why on Earth not?"

"No one sees me as anything more than a child. I'm the baby of the family, and they would never let me have a boyfriend."

"Who's 'they'?"

"Peter and Susan."

"Well, they're not here, are they? So you have a full trip in Narnia to date someone if you choose."

"No Narnian would like to date me."

"I beg to differ."

Lucy suddenly realized she was shivering. "I'm cold. I'm going to go back."

"Alright. Good night. Get some sleep."

"Good night." As she walked away from the young King, one thought occupied her mind. "This odd feeling I've been having around Caspian... it's love. I love Caspian."

**A/N: **Please let me know how you feel about this beginning, I'll update soon. If you enjoyed this beginning, you can read Book 1, _I Wanted To Kill Them, _about Edmund during the Golden Age trying to cope with what he went through with the Witch. Here is the link: s/10662873/1/I-Wanted-To-Kill-Them


	2. Development

**A/N: It's been very busy for me recently, but I will definitely be updating more frequently from now on.**

**Chapter Two: Development**

"You're here again," said Caspian. It was nighttime once again, and Lucy had been standing at the prow when Caspian came up. She had paced about her room, wondering if she should go see if he was there, and in the end, her desire to be with him had made her go.

Little did she know that Caspian too had been smitten when he talked to her. He saw in her many qualities he loved. Unfortunately, these were generally the same qualities that he had liked in Susan, but he didn't realize this at the time.

"I am," replied Lucy.

"I brought you this," said Caspian. He produced a blanket. "So you won't be cold again," he explained.

"Thank you." Lucy stood still as Caspian put the blanket around her. It smelled like sea salt and, unless her nose was playing tricks on her, cinnamon. Caspian had the same odor. She smiled and brought the blanket up over her mouth to smell it better. To smell him better.

That night, there was no talk of relationships. Instead, Caspian told Lucy about his childhood. Of course, she knew the basics of it from Trumpkin, but hearing something from the person it happened to is different. She was enthralled, and they talked for hours, until Lucy couldn't help but yawn. Caspian immediately insisted she go to bed and brought her to the room himself.

And so the _Dawn Treader_ fell into a routine. In the morning, Caspian, Edmund, and Drinian made sure the ship was on course, planned the course for the day and night, and made a routine check of the entire ship. Lucy filled the time by helping in the infirmary. In the afternoon, the three of them took turns at the ship's wheel. Lucy eagerly awaited the moment when Caspian would have free time to talk to him, play chess, or practice swordplay. She was good at fighting with a dagger, but because she didn't have it with her, Edmund had suggested that she learn to fight with a sword. Lucy agreed, but she preferred learning from Caspian. When Edmund would offer to practice with her during his free time, she would often pretend to be too tired or not in the mood.

When Caspian was busy, Lucy sometimes stayed with him and Drinian at the ship's wheel, but more often, she would read. Caspian had many books on Narnian history and Lucy wanted to learn everything that had happened since the Golden Age. Sometimes, when she was tired of reading, she would go find Eustace. He was bored on board the _Dawn Treader_, and even though he didn't consider Lucy a friend, he liked her more than anyone else on the ship and was happy to pass time with her.

In the evening, everyone was free and stayed in the map room to drink and play games. Lucy didn't drink much because she didn't like beer or whiskey much, which were the two only drinks on board (beer for the crew, whiskey for Caspian and his friends), but she loved playing cards with Caspian, Edmund, and Drinian. Eustace was rarely with them, but Edmund would leave him his spot if he did come (this was his attempt to be polite, which Lucy had ordered him to try to be).

Then, everyone would go to bed, and Lucy and Caspian would wait an hour before meeting on deck. They talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Caspian learned about Lucy's life in England, the war, and her insecurities about being compared with Susan. She had never opened up to someone about that particular topic. In return, Caspian told her about his fear of not being a good King and she offered him advice from her experience.

One night, three weeks after Lucy had arrived in Narnia, it started raining while the pair was outside. "We had better go in," said Caspian regretfully. He walked her to her door and said goodnight to her. Still, they lingered near the door, unwilling to say goodbye to each other.

Eventually Lucy said the only thing that was left to be said. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yes, thank you," he said. And he entered.

Lucy felt uncomfortable when she realized the situation she was in. She had invited a man into her room (true, it was his room first, but now it felt like it had always been hers). The room seemed small because of all the things Caspian had brought with him. And there was only one spot to sit: the bed. Caspian had never done anything improper to her, and she doubted that he was the type of person who would attempt something now. But what if... her blood ran cold as she imagined being raped here, yelling but having no one hear her because everyone else was below deck, fighting back but being overpowered because he was so much bigger and stronger than her... And in the morning, she saw herself telling everyone but not being believed because Caspian was the King and she was just some girl who didn't belong on the _Dawn Treader_.

Unaware of her fears, Caspian sat on the bed. "Why aren't you sitting?" he asked her kindly.

"No reason," replied Lucy before quickly sitting down.

After a few minutes, Lucy thought she was silly for worrying. Caspian was acting exactly like he always did. So as the minutes became hours, the two teenagers found themselves sitting right next to each other with their backs to the wall. And at around two o'clock in the morning, when both of them were exhausted but too comfortable to move. Lucy's eyes drooped, then closed, and her head fell on Caspian's shoulder. He too drifted into sleep.

**A/N: Thank you for reading the first chapter and this one. Tell me what you think about the story so far. Most importantly, what do you think of this Lucy and Caspian relationship?**


	3. Tension

**Chapter Three: Tension**

Sunlight filtered into the room and made Lucy stir. She opened her eyes and realized she was sitting. "How odd," she thought. Then she realized she was leaning on something soft. She turned her head and saw another human form beside her. She frowned, confused, then suddenly remembered. "Caspian," she whispered. He awoke and looked around him with an expression that was almost fear.

"It's morning," he said.

"It is."

"The crew is up and about. They'll see me come out. They'll assume..." he didn't want to finish the sentence.

"That I'm your mistress," said Lucy, who was now just as afraid. "But nothing happened."

"They won't believe that. And Edmund will be furious. He'll never speak to me again."

"I'll create a distraction," said Lucy. "Then you can leave."

"Thank you. But first, we must change clothes. It wouldn't do for us to appear in the same clothes as yesterday."

They changed one at a time, with the other person facing the wall. Fortunately, Caspian still had clothes in the room, so no one would notice that anything was wrong.

Lucy went on deck, greeted the sailors milling about, and headed from the stern, where her cabin was, to the bow. On the way, she pulled a coiled rope with her foot so it was just a bit more in the way.

After greeting Eustace, who was sitting at the bow, she went back the way she came. She saw Drinian farther away and smiled. She then started running and called, "Drinian!" Just afterwards, she came level with the rope she had left. And she proceeded to trip over it and fall down hard. She screamed, and the sailors around her all exclaimed and called out to her, so within a minute, every crew member on deck was around her.

Caspian heard this and opened the door. No one was around. He exited and ran over as well. "What happened? I heard yelling and running."

"Your Majesty, the Queen fell," explained one man.

"It's nothing. A coil of rope was out and I tripped as I ran over to speak to Drinian. I'll be fine."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, but you should be more careful in the future, Lucy." His eyes twinkled as he said this.

"I will, Caspian."

No more was said about that incident, and the usual routine continued, until at lunchtime, Caspian announced, "We shall arrive at the Lone Islands tomorrow!"

There was much rejoicing at this, and Lucy was glad to hear that she could go on dry land again. She also wanted to buy herself woman's clothes.

That evening, Caspian and Lucy did not meet, as they both wished to be well rested for their arrival.

In the morning, the Lone Islands were in view. As the Dawn Treader approached the island of Felimath, Lucy expressed a desire to go ashore and walk across the meadow. Caspian immediately ordered a boat to take him, her, Edmund, Eustace, and Reepicheep to shore. Lucy wondered if he would have agreed to the idea had it come from anyone else.

While they were walking, Lucy decided to pick flowers to put in her room on the Dawn Treader. Edmund seemed exasperated when she shared this idea, so she told them to keep walking, she would catch up in a few minutes.

Lucy was kneeling, hidden from view by the tall grasses, when a group of slave traders saw the rest of her party. One of them came up to them and started a conversation, while the others slowly made their way around to the back of the group, surrounding them. Then, at a nod from the chief, they pounced. Lucy heard the cries and stood up to see the awful scene of her friends being taken prisoner.

Caspian saw her and their eyes met. "Stay hidden. Follow us. Get help," he mouthed before being punched in the face by one of the slave traders and being made to walk away.

Heart pounding, Lucy followed the group, taking good care to stay low in the grasses and to remain a considerable distance behind them so that the men wouldn't notice any noises she may make. Eventually, they reached the other side of the island, where a small boat was waiting. Lucy watched Caspian and the others be pushed aboard and tried to remember exactly what the boat looked like so she could tell Drinian. With tears in her eyes, she watched the boat leave the shore, then, she started making her way back to the Dawn Treader.

The entire crew was gathered to discuss what should be done. "If we don't hurry and save them, they'll be sold," said the first mate, Rhince.

"We need to find the boat and where they were taken from there," said Drinian. He appointed a few men to go in a rowboat look at all the ports they could find.

A few hours later, the men came back with bad news. The boat was in the large port of Narrowhaven. There was no way of knowing where the Kings had been taken after arriving.

"We can't possible search the entire city," said Lucy, and she had to fight back tears again.

"Your Majesty is right. It's a lost cause," added a sailor.

"Not necessarily," said Drinian. "King Caspian brought Queen Susan's horn with him. It's in your room, Your Majesty. If we get help, we have a chance."

Everyone agreed this was a good plan, so Lucy was sent to get the horn and blow it while the others went back to their duties for the time being.

She found it easily, but she was reluctant to blow it. She knew all too well what would happen if she sounded it. Susan would come. Susan the Perfect. Susan the Favorite. Lucy's relationship with Caspian was uncertain, undefined. Each one suspected that the other loved him or her too, but no declarations had been made, and Lucy was afraid that if Susan came, Caspian would fall in love with her again and "dump" Lucy. Since he was not officially attached to him, she wouldn't be able to say anything about it. All the happiness she had experienced on the Dawn Treader would be gone.

She couldn't do it. She wouldn't do it.

She hid the horn under her shirt and went on deck. She went down to the storage room and, after making sure no one was nearby, moved the barrels aside just enough to hide the horn behind them, in a location which was nearly impossible to get to unless you were as small as Lucy.

Then she went to Drinian and told him in a voice full of panic and distress, "I can't find it! It's gone!"

Drinian was shocked. "Are you sure you looked everywhere?" he asked.

"Please, go search the room, but I looked everywhere I could think of, and it's not there." Lucy was surprised that she didn't even feel bad for lying. "This is what I must do to keep Caspian," she told herself. Deep down, she knew that without the horn, she may never see Caspian again, but she was careful to push those thoughts to the back of her mind.

Drinian searched the room, then, convinced the horn was not there, he gathered the men and asked if anyone knew the whereabouts of this precious object. When he didn't get a response, he sent a search party to look around the entire ship and another one to go on land try to locate the slave trade market. "It's the only thing we can do now," he said sadly.

Eventually, a sailor found the horn where Lucy had put it. She was sad and angry. "I should've thrown the stupid horn in the ocean," she thought, but she was shocked that she would ever dream of destroying a Narnian treasure.

"Your Majesty, you should blow it," said Drinian.

She hesitated. "No, Drinian, I insist, you must do it." She would never be the cause of Susan coming back to Narnia. Drinian obeyed, and Lucy felt like crying.

A few hours later, the search party on land returned happy. Not only had they found the location of the slave market by going in bars and getting the information from a few drunken men, but they had also found Peter and Susan wandering the streets of Narrowhaven.

"Lucy, it's good to see you!" said Peter. Lucy tried to smile but couldn't. If Peter noticed her attitude, he didn't comment on it.

Peter, Susan, Lucy, and Drinian spent the evening planning the assault. Then the two sisters went to bed in Lucy's room.

Then, Susan asked what Lucy had been dreading. "Say, Lu, has Caspian said anything about me?"

She decided to lie. Again. "No. He did say he's met many girls since becoming King, and many were charming."

"Oh." Susan wasn't happy.

"Su?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think you should date him now."

"And why not?" snapped the older girl.

"You won't be here long, and it will be hard for you to be dragged away from a relationship again."

"Listen, Lu, thanks for caring, but if Caspian is still interested in me, I will have a relationship with him. Me coming back to Narnia seems like I'm getting a second chance with him, you know?"

Lucy couldn't think of a reply to that, especially since she had thought the same thing earlier that day.

"Anyways, you're just a kid, what could you know about relationships?" Susan added.

Lucy cried silent tears as she fell asleep that night.

**A/N: Lucy lied! Repeatedly! This marked the beginning of her decline, and more importantly, shows that this decline is her fault, and it is her actions which cause reactions to increase her problems. I included this because I recently read Greek tragedies in school, and am important aspect of them was that a character's own error brought about their downfall. This was Lucy's. Lastly, Susan seems kind of mean in the last scene, but she is just hurt that Lucy is being so unsupportive, so uncharacteristic.**


	4. Rupture

**Chapter Four: Rupture**

The next day, all went according to plan. The Narnians hid in the streets surrounding the slave trade market until all the prisoners were brought out. Then, Peter led the ambush. It was over within minutes. The traders scattered and the Narnians were reunited with their Kings.

Lucy rushed to Caspian to untie his ropes. "I knew you would be able to save us," said the King, grinning. He stood up and was about to hug her when a voice ran out.

"Caspian!" It was Susan. When Caspian saw her, his arms dropped to his side and he just stared at her.

"Susan..."

She ran to him, hair flowing behind her, and threw herself into his arms.

The entire journey back to the _Dawn Treader_, Susan and Caspian walked together, talking. Then, he took her on a tour of the ship. During this time, they discussed their previous relationship and Caspian realized that he still loved her. Susan noticed this, and she asked him to continue dating. He agreed wholeheartedly.

Perhaps he should have told Lucy, or at least thought of her, but in his mind, his relationship with her had been mere innocent flirtation, and he didn't see himself as obligated to deny himself the pleasure of being with her sister because of it.

It was Susan who told Lucy. "Lu, guess what?"

"What, Su?"

"Caspian loves me too! We are dating!"

"You aren't serious?" asked Lucy.

"Of course I am. Why don't you look happy for me?"

Lucy burst into tears. "Su, please, don't do this to me."

"Do what? Explain yourself, please."

"Date him. I love Caspian. I want to be with him. And before you came, he was showing some interest in me. Don't look at me that way, it's true."

"He was never interested in you. He is polite, like a gentleman, but you cannot possibly confuse that with romantic interest. I mean, he's eight years older than you."

"He was interested. I know it. Please, Su, I beg you. I've never had a boyfriend. You've had plenty; every guy is interested in you. Just let me have this one guy."

"I can't 'let' you have him. It's his choice. And he wants to be with me. He sees you as a child, because that's what you are."

Lucy was furious. "Stop it! You all call me a kid, but I'm not. I'm practically a teenager. I have my period. Isn't that a sign of womanhood? I have been a Queen in Narnian for years. So I'm not a kid who knows nothing about the world."

"You're just like Ed used to be. You want to be treated like an adult, but when you yell at me and cry, you are proving you can't be an adult."

"I just want to be loved once... to feel like you do all the time."

"You can't feel like me, Lu. You aren't me. You never will be anything like me."

At that, she stormed out of the room. Lucy followed her and saw her and Caspian go to the bow of the ship, to where she had sat with Caspian for so many nights. She felt sick as she saw them begin kissing passionately. When his hands wandered down from her hair to her breasts, Lucy couldn't watch anymore.

That night, Susan and Lucy didn't speak to each other as they got ready for bed. Lucy lay awake for a long time, thinking about her conversation with Susan. She was filled with hate for both her sister and Caspian. "Traitors, both of them," she muttered to herself.

A little later, Susan got out of bed and, still in her nightdress, tiptoed out of the room silently. She went to a small closet nearby that Caspian had assured her no one would go to. He was there, waiting for her.

"I guess your brothers and cousin fall asleep faster than your sister."

"I was so afraid of waking her... she was so mad at me earlier; I don't want to hurt her more."

"It's not like Lucy to get so angry. I'm surprised."

"I know. She is usually so kind, so loyal, so supportive. I can't believe that when you look below her innocent surface, she is so jealous and spiteful."

"I think," said Caspian, thinking hard, "that this is a result of years of pent-up frustration and anger. She must have felt that she needed to keep up her appearance of innocence and happiness so she kept in her feelings. Today's events were a surprise for her and served as the drop that made the goblet overflow. It's not your fault, Su."

Of course, Caspian knew about the pent-up anger from what Lucy had told him all those nights. She had mentioned that Susan was the cause of most of this frustration, but the King chose not to tell his girlfriend that detail.

"Oh, thanks Caspian. But why are we wasting our precious time together talking about Lucy?" She pulled him in to kiss him and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"You are right, there are more pressing matters to attend to."

They made out for hours, but went no further, for Susan had learned never to make love on a first date from her years as Queen. "Soon, my love," she promised.

**A/N: Well, Lucy's dream has been ruptured. Her premonition was right, though she didn't go about trying to prevent this as she should have. And Caspian acts terribly this chapter. It's not that I hate him… But I needed him to be "bad" in this story or else so many of my ideas could never happen. Since this chapter was really short another one will be posted in a few days. Tell me what you think!**


	5. Confrontation

**Chapter Five: Confrontation**

The next morning, Lucy could barely stand to look at her sister. She had still been awake when Susan had left and returned. Through half-open eyelids, she had taken in Susan's disheveled hair and sweaty scent. Scornfully, she assumed that the couple had met to make out. Or worse. Make love.

She needed to do something. She got dressed quickly and went down to her brothers' room.

"Hello, Lucy," greeted Peter with a smile.

"Hello. Is Caspian here?"

"Yes, I'm here." Caspian came over.

"Why don't we go for a walk together?" Lucy suggested.

They went to the map room, which was empty at the time. Lucy took a deep breath and spoke her mind. "What happened? You told me you were over Susan. You said I was special, that I made you realize Susan wasn't the most amazing person or whatever. You led me on. You flirted with me and pretended you were interested when you were really comparing me to her, laughing at my inferiority, and relishing in the small pieces of her I could offer you."

"Lucy, that's not what happened."

"Then what was it?"

"I honestly believed those things I said about you. You are a great girl, and when I got to know you, I honestly thought you had made me forget Susan. But when I saw her, I realized that my feelings had not faded. I didn't try to hurt you. But we were never a thing. We never could have been a thing, even without Susan."

"Why not?"

"We have an eight year age difference. That's insurmountable."

"When Susan was twelve she had a boyfriend."

"But hers was probably her own age. Listen, I think you just want to have a relationship with me to spite Susan."

"That's not true. If you believe that, I don't want to associate with you anymore."

"Come on, Lu, there's no reason why we can't be friends."

"Don't call me Lu," she snapped.

"Listen," continued Caspian. "You don't need to envy Susan about anything other than her confidence. No one wants to be with a girl who thinks she isn't worth anything. So instead of trying to get a guy, you need to work on being comfortable with yourself."

"Now you're trying to blame me for this problem? I can't believe you. You know you have feelings for me and you just are afraid of admitting it so you're trying to push me away."

"Now you're saying complete nonsense."

"Prove it."

"How?" he asked, surprised.

"Kiss me, then look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. If you can do that, I won't press it."

Caspian hesitated, then pulled Lucy's chin up and planted his lips on hers. The kiss was soft and sweet, passionate yet gentle. In short, it was very different from the lustful, almost violent kisses Caspian shared with Susan. He wondered, just for a second, if he would rather spend his time kissing Lucy, the innocent and gentle sister, rather than Susan, who despite her title was far from gentle in love. But deep down he knew he wanted to be with Susan, and he would soon get bored of kissing Lucy.

He broke away from her and looked her in the eyes. "I do not love you, Lucy. That kiss is not an experience I wish to repeat."

She felt like crying. To her, the kiss had been an experience of pure bliss and she couldn't believe Caspian didn't feel the same way. She would give anything to repeat that experience. But Caspian was being so silly. He was like someone different from the boy who shared his worries with her. "Maybe this is the real Caspian. The other one was just an act to have some fun during this trip with no women. Even better, he knew my stay wouldn't be eternal, so he didn't need to worry about an eventual break-up. I would've been his secret mistress."

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then."

"I agree. And Lucy... I am sorry."

"Yeah, sure," she replied sarcastically.

For the next few weeks, Lucy was quite sullen and kept to herself a lot. Sure, she ate with the other monarchs and spent evenings and some afternoons with them, but she didn't talk as much, never laugh, and often didn't participate in the games the others played, claiming she preferred to watch.

One exception to this was when Eustace was turned into a dragon for trying to steal a dragon's treasure on an abandoned island, Lucy offered him words of comfort and stayed near him practically all the time. Of course, she didn't need to make much conversation with him, but this was still the most interest she had taken in someone since Caspian. She was genuinely delighted when she woke up one morning and learned her cousin was human once again.

Then, during the battle with the sea serpent and the excursion on Deathwater Island, Lucy stayed aside and looked at the adventures rather than participating. She didn't even intervene when Caspian and Edmund had a huge fight about who should pledge allegiance to whom, which she surely would have done before.

Edmund noticed this huge change in behavior and was puzzled. His sister usually was so happy in Narnia, even more so than in England, but ever since Peter and Susan arrived, she was sulky and subdued, a mere image of her usual self.

After the brief stop on Deathwater Island, Edmund decided to talk to her about this. "Hey, Lu, you have a moment?" he asked one afternoon.

"I was on my way to go read, it's great weather to sit outside," she answered.

"It won't take long." Lucy motioned for him to continue. "Is something wrong? You haven't been acting like your usual self, especially not your usual Narnian self. If you are having any problem, you know I would love to help."

"Do you ever feel like you're stuck in Peter's shadow? Like you are always compared to him and you need to be better than him or else people will think badly of you?"

"Why the question?" said Edmund, surprised. He had always known Lucy felt overshadowed by Susan, but he thought in Narnia she had no reason to feel this way. Lucy was, after all, the one closest to Aslan, the one who went to Narnia first, the one Aslan always talked to first. If anything, it was her siblings who should be jealous of her, not the other way around.

"Just answer the question."

"Well, yes, I felt that before, in England. But not anymore."

"What did you do to change your mentality?"

"I betrayed him." Here Lucy looked very uneasy. "I'm kidding, Lu. I didn't do anything. I just started looking more at my qualities than my faults, and I stopped caring so much about his opinion of me."

"How could I ignore the opinion of she who is practically my only role model?" wondered Lucy, speaking softly, almost to herself.

Edmund saw that things were bad. "What happened to prompt this... phase? I mean, you were so happy until she arrived. What did she do? What did you do?"

His sister inhaled sharply. This was her opportunity to talk to someone who just might understand. Someone who could help her, who knew she had a problem and who would listen to her without judging her.

But she couldn't. She still loved Caspian, and he couldn't bear the thought of saying anything negative about him.

"Nothing's wrong, Ed," she said. "We're in Narnia, after all."

"So this moodiness?"

That word gave Lucy an idea. "Ok, I guess if you really want to know..."

"I do," he insisted.

"I'm on my period. I've been having particularly bad cramps. So please don't blame me if I am not 'my usual self,' as you say."

Edmund was embarrassed. He blushed a deep red. "Well, um, I'm sorry for you. Good luck. I'll see you later."

Although Lucy was happy about having gotten rid of Edmund's annoying questions, she felt, for the first time, that her lies were becoming a real problem. Now she was even lying to her brother, who hadn't done anything except look out for her. But lying was a vicious downward spiral and now that she had started, stopping was nearly impossible.

**A/N: Ok, so we see that Caspian is not quite as horrible as he may seem. He didn't think this should hurt Lucy because there had been no words of love exchanged, no committal, so he didn't see himself as bound to her in any way. And he did love Lucy until he remet Susan. **

**Meanwhile, Lucy is now hiding her feelings even from people who want to help her. If you read ****_I Wanted To Kill Them_**** you will see that this is a bit of a theme for me… anyways, review please!**


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